On romance

Life can sometimes overwhelm and seem like an endless set of possibilities. The need to be validated creeps into our noblest endeavors and we fight a constant battle to remain pure as possible and value what is most meaningful, for meaning and explanation are the undercurrent of a well-thought out life. Everyone validates themselves in their own unique way consciously or unconsciously. Some reasons are arguably more noble than others; producing things that people want, treating friends well. Some reasons are to be avoided: to kill/waste where other means will suffice. In the long run we are in control over our own ego: how we measure ourselves. The most seductive form of validation is that which conforms to the story/ies we want to tell about our lives.

Understand the story that a girl wants to tell about her life. That is the most important factor in getting a girl to like you.

The passage of time through life confounds in that it feels both finite and everlasting. Given that, why wouldn’t you want to spend time with the best person you can be with. Is that ruthless or noble? My guess is that it’s both. Be the best you can be. Wish those around you the same. Choose people carefully. The rest will take care of itself given enough luck. If you are unlucky you are unlucky.

You gaze at a girl thinking about what to say. Take comfort in that there are natural rules to this. This is not a random process. The same structure that exists in good movies or books are wherever stories are told. Start of with a bang. Or burn it slow. Don’t give the game away. Don’t try to be predictable. Don’t cookie cut. Women are not cookies. Most of all don’t try to trick anyone. This doesn’t work in a workplace setting or when playing sport or whatever situation requires constant collaboration, so why should it work in romance?

Trying to quantify someone quickly is crude and crudeness is not necessary here. Where do you work is not a good question. What music do you like is not a good question. Do you like ‘This’? ‘This’ can be anything. The question both seeks and reveals something about you. She has to know you too. You are willing to reveal. You are willing to make a stand. That’s attractive. Not all questions are created equal and you don’t always need statements to state something.

Challenge and therefore be up for a challenge. Would you like to dance/party? Be someone good to dance with or party with or whatever with and then show it a little. What’s not to like?

Don’t push for a date, guide yourself towards it. Creating interest for both parties is the most important part at this point? It’s not necessary to hide behind a date or anything else.

Stories have a clear beginning, middle and ending. Don’t mix them up. Don’t try to fuck before you kiss. Sometimes it’s risque, mostly it’s uninteresting. Work on controlling a few days. Would you be able to control til-forever?

Just be kind. Be skilled. That’s almost everything. It will show.

Life’s vast expanse is filled with moments of validation, self-discovery, and the pursuit of connection. Each of us, in our unique way, seeks to weave a story that resonates with meaning and purpose. Just as in the world of stories, where the structure of a good book or movie captivates us, the art of human connection follows its own rhythm and rules. It’s about starting with a spark or building slowly, embracing unpredictability, and celebrating the uniqueness of each individual. Remember, no one is a mere cookie to be cookie-cut; each person is a universe to explore and appreciate.

Engaging with someone is not about quantifying them with predictable questions but about revealing layers of your own narrative, sharing your interests, passions, and vulnerabilities. This mutual unveiling is the dance of connection, where questions and statements intertwine to reveal the essence of two individuals coming together. Be prepared to challenge and be challenged, to share moments of spontaneity, whether it’s a dance, a laugh, or a shared curiosity.

In this moment, be present, for the beauty of connection lies in the now. The structure of your interaction—beginning, middle, and end—should unfold naturally, respecting the pace and depth of the emerging bond. Remember, the journey from a spark to a lasting flame requires patience, kindness, and genuine interest.

As we navigate the passage of time, with its finite moments and everlasting memories, let us strive to be our best selves, not just for the sake of others, but as a personal journey of growth and self-reflection. Let your interactions be marked by kindness, skill, and a willingness to share and listen. These qualities lay the foundation for meaningful connections that enrich our stories and our lives.

In the end, it’s the shared experiences, the understanding gleaned, and the mutual respect earned that weave the richest tapestry of human connection. Let us embark on this journey with an open heart, celebrating each step towards understanding, love, and self-acceptance, embracing the structure and spontaneity of life’s narrative.